From CNN:

“I actually thank God for my addiction,” he said. “I learned more about myself in rehab than I would have ever learned otherwise…”

“Including my love for gay sex,” the broadcaster continued under his breath. The quote was taken from an NBC interview in which he aggressively tongue-lashed the media for trying to break him.  The gay sex comment was not part of the official interview transcript, but several sources totally swore they heard it and will totally tell you so.

The rotund radio show host, author of several bestselling books, and former television talk show host waved his pudgy finger in the air as he proclaimed the media did not make him, while his jowls waved ferociously, like recently flicked Jell-O™. Delicious lime Jell-O™ snack, which kids sometimes choose to treat like a toy. Hey! That’s food, you fucking brat.

Limbaugh, more pudding than man, went on to claim that the election of Obama has heightened racial tensions and fueled the “race industry.” In a written statement, Bill Lester responded, “NASCAR’s popularity hasn’t really been affected either way since Obama’s been in office. I think the economic situation is our biggest worry. And as far as the other thing goes, I haven’t had any serious problems. Actually, I’ve been getting a lot more thumbs ups and high fives since Obama won.”