Recent events involving Google and Chinese government censorship could have far-reaching implications. I’d like to share some of my thoughts on this sensitive subject with the people of the People’s Republic.

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President Obama and the Democrats’ The Health Care thing is happening this week. Here is a look at what that thing is all about and when you can expect some differences.

Starting January 1, 2011, prostate exams will be administered in Spanish.

A majority of Americans receive health insurance through their employers. If you eat an entire Tombstone pizza for breakfast, you can expect to feel like a disgusting fat slob with zero self-control for the remainder of the work day.

The legislation’s $938 billion cost is paid for by new taxes on wealthy Americans and on luxury goods such as lemon juice, maple syrup, and cayenne pepper, but only when those good are purchased in combination, by college-educated adults who should know better.

Small business owners who run Internet startups are now required to move out of their parents’ house and get serious about life.

HMOs are barred from dropping patients if they get sick. A controversial loophole allows HMOs to continue rolling their eyes at patients who use the word “sick” in reference to a motorcycle or UFC knockout punch.

Your insurance policy will cover a range of preventive services, including vaccines, routine physicals, and therapy to get to the bottom of what’s preventing you from eating like a normal human being. An entire Tombstone pizza for breakfast. Jesus fucking Christ.

And Harvard University dropout Yama Rahyar discusses his new question, “Holy shit, children have careers?”

Dr. Emmett Brown: We have to go back, Marty. BACK … TO THE FUTURE.

–Back to the Future

Henry Hill: You know, we always called each other GOODFELLAS. Like you said to somebody, “You’re gonna like this guy. He’s all right. He’s a GOODFELLA. He’s one of us.” You understand? We were GOODFELLAS.

–Goodfellas

Sidney Deane: Billy, listen to me. WHITE MEN CAN’T JUMP.

–White Men Can’t Jump

Luke Skywalker: Look out, R2! There’s all kinds of STAR WARS going on out here.

–Star Wars

Scarlett O’Hara: Rhett, Rhett, Rhett! If you go, where shall I go? What shall I do?

Rhett Butler: Frankly, my dear, seeing as I’ll be GONE WITH THE WIND by that time, I don’t see how that concerns me any longer.

–Gone With the Wind

Johnny: Why don’t you drop that zero, and get with a guy who’s COOL AS ICE?

–Cool as Ice

Detective Nick Curran: Did you ever do drugs with Mr. Boz?

Catherine Tramell: Sure.

Detective Nick Curran: What kind of drugs?

Catherine Tramell: I could answer that question, but my BASIC INSTINCT is to expose my vagina right now.

Detective Nick Curran: That seems gratuitous, but okay.

–Basic Instinct

Nell: NELL! NELL! NELL! NELL! NELL! NELL!

–Nell

Yo, yo, yo, homies and homettes. Has ya herd about Mickey D’s 365black?

Like the unique African Baobab tree, which nourishes its community with its leaves and fruit, McDonald’s has branched out to the African-American community nourishing it with valuable programs and opportunities.

That’s right. Here at McDonald’s, we understand that you have to be black 365, 24/7. And we want to nourish you. That’s why, for a limited time, we’ve brought back the world-famous McRib sandwich. Also, we need labor to mop our floors, scrub our bathrooms, and spit in our cheeseburgers.

Once you feel adequately nourished, why not head over to Budweiser’s African American Bud. Check out 30 paintings of African kings and queens they’ve been collecting since the 1970s. You’re African-American, right? That must mean you’re interested in that kind of thing. I know I am.

(ED: While not an African-American, Mr. Cabron does exhibit a sincere love of paintings of kings and queens of all races, creeds, and islands).